i trooned out cause im agp and women are attractive, that and my unbridled hatred towards men made me feel evil for existing as one. but now that i see im never gonna be an attractive woman, my aap has flared up to compensate making me want to be an attractive man instead but now i cant because i have tits and stuff.

like, im miserable because i just want to be hot but i cant be hot as a troon. i dont have the face for it. my jaw is so bad. not only does literally everyone, even the people who tell me i look good, agree that my jaw screws me over, but my irl friends have joked to me about how i must be mewing all the time and stuff ever since i lost weight and had my jawline show up.

im so cooked. ffs is such a pipe dream. idk how im supposed to get tens of thousands of dollars to pay for it. and i dont want to get it cheap either, this is my face. ill have to live with it for the rest of my life. i dont want to fuck it up like ive already managed to do with my body. idk. it feels like detrooning and getting top surgery would be the safer bet. especially since i dont really like my chest anyway

    • t. choder
      2·
      3 days ago

      I do find it interesting how easy it is to talk about nb dysphoria stuff here compared to virtually any other internet space I’ve been in in my entire life. I mean there’s still doubters here, sure, but it feels like it’s taken very seriously by those who take it seriously, y’know? Most of the times I’ve expressed distress in the past in more normie trans and/or nb spaces it’s like “you don’t owe anybody androgyny kwing”. Like cool I’m not doing this for validity points I’m doing it cuz doing nothing to approach my least dysphoric bodystate would kill me thanks for making it clear you think being nb is being valid for pronouns in bio or w/e

      • nowhere girl
        2·
        3 days ago

        i know, right? i’m honestly really happy with and proud of this community for fostering a place where ppl can talk abt nb dysphoria in serious, understanding and compassionate terms.

        • t. choder
          2·
          3 days ago

          I so feel that. I know it’s not as special to a lot of troons, but this place is fast-approaching proper home status to me. It’s truly unique in regards to how reliably I can expect people to “just get it”. Like if it imploded tomorrow I’d feel so much more alone in what I am going thru, properly internet homeless. /tttt/ and Reddit 4tran places hardly compared in retrospect… glad it led me here eventually tho

    • UnfortunatelyAlexOP
      1·
      3 days ago

      idk if im really trvenb, maybe, idk. idc about gender really, i just wanna look in the mirror and be happy