like, when i imagine getting top surgery and stuff, being okay with a more androgynous/masculine presentation, im not uncomfortable or sad. id be fine with that. but also, sometimes i feel like im only comfortable doing that because i know im never gonna really be a woman and the thought of trying to be one, failing, and looking like a disgusting amalgamation of male and female traits makes me want to kms.

like, id fully rather completely detroon, get top surgery, stop hrt, etc. than be a visibly unpassing trans woman trying to actively present as a woman. but if i was shorter, my face less masculine, proportions slightly better, stuff like that? idk if id have these issues revolving around AAP and stuff.

cause the AAP feelings are real, but i think they might only exist because i dont have a good chance of passing as the kind of woman id want to be. ultimately it doesnt matter cause materially my feelings are the same regardless of where they come from. i still want to be androgynous rather than fully feminine, but yeah, idk.

  • paula
    2·
    2 months ago

    me on the right with smaller boobs

    • AlexOP
      1·
      2 months ago

      me on the right with the boobs and a better brow ridge i guess. i hate having breasts though so thats not much of a win unfortunately

    • AlexOP
      2·
      2 months ago

      i could be. it could also be my meta attraction just making me wish i was smaller or something. cause generally im not even bothered by my height, but it does undeniably make it harder for me to pass as a woman

  • dead-consciousness
    2·
    2 months ago

    i kinda understand i think. one of the biggest fears that kept me from transitioning earlier was becomind a weird, alien amalgamation of postive androgyny… which is kind of what i am now but personally i think i still prefer it to being a moid.

    do you think you’d still have dysphoria over your feminine features if you were born a cis woman?

    • AlexOP
      2·
      2 months ago

      i legit dont know. i really do think i hate having breasts and i could see myself having wanted top surgery or at least a reduction if they were too big even if i was cis. i also really dont want to be pear shaped at all, so too wide hips would be an issue too. its tough, idk

      • dead-consciousness
        1·
        2 months ago

        that sounds like nb to me, idk. i don’t think it really matters much what you label it tho. like, im sure there’s a lot of people who wouldn’t choose to have the most masculine/feminine version of their natal sex either but still conform enough to it to call themselves cis. where you draw the line is mostly arbitrary.

  • Kath
    1·
    2 months ago

    i need to find a way to do this but with looking completelt masculine and being a man i stead

  • Ill Begotten
    1·
    2 months ago

    i was thinking about this a bit :/ thought seriously about just they/themcoping so it looks to my friends and my family and to me that i just learned more about myself on my “identity journey” instead of looking like a man pretending to be a woman for the rest of my life

    • Ill Begotten
      1·
      2 months ago

      not gonna be able to afford/cover surgeries like ever anyway so