While I feel extreme shame from my gynephilia, I luckily feel almost euphoric from my androphilia. I suppose because its gender affirming? I mean, even beyond gender, I’d much rather be a gay man than a straight man. I’ve almost convinced myself to detranistion a couple times because of the raw beauty of homoërotic art. I’m also not too sure it’s only gender, because I strangely felt the same way when I still believed myself to be a bisexual man. It always greatly confused me, how I expected shame in the opposite way to most other bisexuals. Was I just that woke? Maybe. You could also say this was because of my still-unnamed gender dysphoria, but I’m skeptical, due to the aforementioned occasional yearning of being a gay man. I think this stems from my general dislike of straight men? Like I find stories about them and art made by them (that prominently features that theme) to be uninteresting, and it has to be better to earn my respect. Maybe this is a product of being the only queer “boy” I knew in high school and having to listen to all my straight friends talk about nothing but coerced sex and leaked nudes. I’m convinced if I ever start passing and consistently girlmode, I’d be much more comfortable with my gynephilia.