like i remember i would have to try my hardest not to enjoy things. i would have to put in effort to be depressed. especially this would go on during vacations, i remember one time i was depressed the whole trip until i was told not to be and i had to stop pretending to be sad (or maybe start pretending to be happy). i didn’t even have tranny thoughts yet but i was trying so hard to be suicidal. i feel the same way now tbh, it’s exactly the same feeling of faking it, i think it would be easy to snap out of it and become happy, i just think this is better bc i don’t see any value in what i have left