I’ve tried, it’s impossible. I lack any semblance of self-esteem and feel wholly undesirable. Inb4 “just be confident” or “go to the gym”. I’m disgusted by myself. A distant family member of mine is a pooner too and my grandmother said his parents were worried about him moving out because “he’s small, like you”. I need to have all my clothing adjusted. If repressing didn’t make me as neurotic and suicidal as I ended up, I would have continued via brute force to avoid this humilation. I don’t go out. I generally feel useless and unwanted. That’s all for today.