Just helped clean my cousin’s depression mess in her kitchen. Bunch of dishes in the sink with rotten food I had to pick out by hand. It took 3 hours :(. I still haven’t heard word from any positions that aren’t grueling manual labor which I tried to escape from but I think it’s my way to sort of shut down in between the time between the consultation and the surgeries. I’m still having doubts, especially about it making it easier to not isolate constantly and be a little less anxious/stressed out/tense, but idk, it doesn’t fix horrible social skills or brain fog or whatever. Idk. I wish I could enjoy time by myself but the silence makes me want to rip my face off or cry constantly so I exhaust myself like I did today or yesterday where I cut down a 20 ft mulberry tree to the knots. Idk. I wish my friends talked to me more.