i had very similar feelings to loose_sandwich of reverse-dysphoria right after starting medical transition. suddenly overnight i had begun developing fears arround developing breasts and having a curvier body, even tho i still had plenty of dysphoria over my skin, body hair and facial features. it also made me even more depressed than i already was; before it at least felt like my problems could reasonably be attribuited to the circumstances arround me but now it was like the mere act of existing was unbearable. i’d wake up and just feel like dying for no reason at all. almost every day i debated going off estrogen but the thought of masculinizing even further from t was so terrifying it just barely kept me from doing it, it was mentally exhausting honestly.

this went on for a few month untill i finally switched to bicalutamide as an anti-androgen instead of cyproterone, since i heard cypro could cause depression, and after a little while all of these feelings just… went away. i was just a normal binary trans woman again, which is still a pretty awful state of existence but it was a lot better than whatever the hell i was before. it has been almost a year since i switched and i’m now on injection monotherapy (finally got over my fear of needles) and those feelings have still shown no signs of coming back.

i have no fucking ideia what to make of this tbh, it was just so weird. guess life experiences don’t always really have a “point” in the way stories are supposed to have. i’m kinda just glad it’s over.