i had very similar feelings to loose_sandwich of reverse-dysphoria right after starting medical transition. suddenly overnight i had begun developing fears arround developing breasts and having a curvier body, even tho i still had plenty of dysphoria over my skin, body hair and facial features. it also made me even more depressed than i already was; before it at least felt like my problems could reasonably be attribuited to the circumstances arround me but now it was like the mere act of existing was unbearable. i’d wake up and just feel like dying for no reason at all. almost every day i debated going off estrogen but the thought of masculinizing even further from t was so terrifying it just barely kept me from doing it, it was mentally exhausting honestly.

this went on for a few month untill i finally switched to bicalutamide as an anti-androgen instead of cyproterone, since i heard cypro could cause depression, and after a little while all of these feelings just… went away. i was just a normal binary trans woman again, which is still a pretty awful state of existence but it was a lot better than whatever the hell i was before. it has been almost a year since i switched and i’m now on injection monotherapy (finally got over my fear of needles) and those feelings have still shown no signs of coming back.

i have no fucking ideia what to make of this tbh, it was just so weird. guess life experiences don’t always really have a “point” in the way stories are supposed to have. i’m kinda just glad it’s over.

  • Loose_Sandwich9217
    3·
    3 days ago

    Wait actually???

    i started cypro a few mnths before this started maybe this can save me, i may also be too far gone tho i kinda like fully wish i just wasnt a woman atp

    • dead__consciousnessOP
      3·
      3 days ago

      i told you before i think??? we were both on different accounts but i’m pretty sure it was you. you told me you were going off cypro too.

      • Loose_Sandwich9217
        3·
        3 days ago

        i did for a month but t came back and i restarted, it made no difference. idk if thats long enough though maybe i should try again

        it also was me i think i remember this actually

        • dead__consciousnessOP
          3·
          3 days ago

          i’m pretty sure it took more than one month for it to completely go away. you might just be nb tho idk. did you switch to bica over this time or were you not using any anti-androgen at all?

          • Loose_Sandwich9217
            3·
            3 days ago

            i upped my e dose but it still didnt supress t even though i was well over 300pgml for some reason. also yeah idk I kinda think i probably am, like i felt fully the same over this period

            • dead__consciousnessOP
              3·
              3 days ago

              hmm… i’d recommend switching to bica. since you’re still planning to stay on e as far as i know it wouldn’t do any harm. you might just be nb but also i remember you said you felt like a binary trans woman like a year ago so you might be in a situation similar to mine? idk honestly. even if it doesn’t make you suddenly become a binary trans woman again it might help u with the depression. the “turning you non-binary” thing isn’t a widely-reported symptom but the depression is.

              • Loose_Sandwich9217
                3·
                3 days ago

                you might just be nb but also i remember you said you felt like a binary trans woman like a year ago so you might be in a situation similar to mine?

                yeah i was a binary troon for like 2 years

                also yeah i hate cypro, it also fucks you up and might give you tumors, ill try to get off again as soon as im not broke