Untill I’m at peace with myself, I won’t be able to quit any kind of trans spaces. I was supposed to take a 3 week break from here, but I failed. Once my dysphoria gets too strong, spaces like this are my only help. It doesn’t matter if it’s tttt, 4tran or transitan. What I crave is a sense of community and a shared struggle, being able to whine about my problems and share the burden with others.

My HRT got delayed a bit, it’ll be here in like 2 weeks instead. HRT was my only hope, but I feel like I’ve already lost it. With each day I realize more and more how masculine my body actually is, and how I’m actually perceived by others. Before ever having strong dysphoria, I used to cope in a way that deluded my self perception. I really believed that my face was androgynous/feminine. I really believed that I could be seen in a feminine matter. - without even transitioning or doing anything. But ever since that delusion had slipped away, there’s at least one moment in most days which feels agonizing. What I’m actually like is a tall skinny semi masculine faced person acting in a faggoty way, yet malebrained and ashamed to actually show any real femininity.

I’ll take my HRT either way, I have nothing to lose, because I’ll lose everything no matter what choice I make. I was never given a choice. I had only been able to realize at 15, but skeletal puberty was already over, and I femboycoped due to my male socialization up to around 17. Now I’m 18. What will cling me to my life, is going to be a cope after cope. Lost friends? - make new ones. 2 years HRT didn’t work? - make money for ffs. Ffs didn’t work? - some bullshit excuse for not quitting life.