I really want to end it, I hate living with chronic depression, I hate having to switch between periods were I hate life but I still can be a little functional to distract myself from wanting to die and periods when I can’t do anything else besides thinking about killing myself. I don’t think even if I pass things would actually be fine, yes, they could be better, but I still would be broken and depressed. I don’t even think about my dysphoric features too much when I am like this, I just see my life as nothing but suffering and I must end it. I keep thinking how nobody would really miss me, how I am just insignificant and will be forgotten in no time, and my autistic shitty brain start to reinforce these toughs, thinking that yes, people will move on from my death, I read this in Metamorphosis, people will always move on with time so their grief will only be temporary and I could just end my life and everything would be fine in no time… I won’t kill myself, I still can hold on, but I just feel so impotent, don’t matter how many things I try to do to make my life better the suicidal thoughts never go away