any time i’m overwhelmed or deep in thought about something i have to pace back and forth or in circles to calm myself and bring my brain back to a state of balance. i only really do this in my room anymore because it apparently drives normies insane when you do it in front of them. taking walks also helps me because walking is just a socially-acceptable form of pacing, if you think about it. but somehow it’s not quite the same.
Wow yeah you really really seem to get me on this matter, like this a certified same-person moment lmfao. Like yeah trains could be nice if they were a thing that existed in my vicinity, and bikes could be alright if the infrastructure was like Netherlands-levels of advanced (I’m too uncoordinated to trust bikes otherwise), but the perfect conditions for being able to literally just walk to every single destination is all I want in this world, and I think density is pretty much meaningless if the pleasantness of foot-travel isn’t maximized and prioritized above all-else.
Car-travel isn’t even a real option for me. I get so neurotic behind the wheel that my OCD goes into overdrive and injects horrors into my imagination non-stop. Last time I took the car for a supervised spin around a parking lot, I returned home with pain in my heart. Even ridding passenger in other people’s cars is stressful, but I can manage if they’re exceptional.
cars really are the worst; truly despise those speeding metal boxes of death. my distaste for motor vehicles stems from a combination of moral objection, primal fear, and personal hatred (maybe mixed with some genetics, since i have multiple driving-adverse family members.) i try to keep my distance as much as i can, especially as a pedestrian. i hang back at crosswalks and let cars go by just so i can wait to cross the road when it’s fully clear. if i’m walking next to a road, i stay as far to the side as possible. my avoidant impulses around cars used to be even more paranoid but i’ve managed to rein them in a little.
and yeah i also never got out of the parking lot, back whenever i first got my permit, and realized i was never going to feel at ease in the driver’s seat. although weirdly i’ve never really had a problem just riding in cars. i guess i’m able to dissociate and distract my mind from the treacherous nature of automotive travel, unless i really try to think about everything that could go wrong.