I can feel intense dysphoria and want nothing more for it to stop and go away at times. And then my mood can rapidly shift to me not caring and being apathetic. Which just makes me anxious as well because I’m too familiar with the feeling of misery and worry I’m losing myself entirely

What if I’m just addicted to misery and this is just something I latched onto to make me feel bad when in reality its not this way and I’m just a moron.

Well granted I dont really think or believe this too heavily but my mood just shifts too rapidly at times for me to feel sure of my self or be a consistent person. I wish I was less mentally ill so these thoughts wouldn’t be an issue.