i hate being so distant and flakey. its not even like im purposefully avoidant. sometimes i can be when im feeling overwhelmed but mostly im just bad at remembering to check in with people.
then when time passes and i think to message someone, i feel too awkward too. like theyd be annoyed or hate me for not staying in contact which just makes me put it off more
idk. still feels like i could be a better friend. i always hate being the one who has to initiate stuff, but i then force others to do the same. i dont like being a hypocrite even if i dont mean to be