“i am a grotesque monster because puberty raped me, and i should get a knife and cut my legs until i’m screaming and crying, and nothing can save me”

"i look like a man because of male puberty, and being happy and okay right now is impossible. what i should do is try to give my future self the best possible starting point for a life post-everything thats planned. cutting will leave permanent marks and will make it harder to emotionally recover in the future. i should instead do whats hard and hold on and suffer to give my future self a better life and i should “do it for her”.