Sometimes it feels like facialexpressionmaxxing may just be the poor woman’s ffs, as anytime I force a face that looks somewhat contented with life onto myself - force a pleasant slight-smile, raise my brows as if I were lightly suprised, etc - suddenly things don’t seem so horrible, and I can admit that. At least any hon-ishness I can detect is far more subtle. Internet friends who see my emotionfrauded selfies usually have positive-leaning things to say about my prospects as a troon, maybe they even struggle to believe I get he’d, etc, but what they fail to see is the empty terrifying piercing eyes and permanent subtle frown that hangs on my face after 0.1 seconds of not being 110% self-conscious about every little thing my body is doing. They fail to see that tortured expression that jumpscares me everytime I accidentally turn on the selfiecam on my phone.

I have the resting face of a fucking WW1 veteran. Trying to pass for me seems to amount to clothesfrauding and policing my expression to be as fake as possible 24/7, and if I let up for one second, my face morphs into expressions so in-human and uncanny idk how much ffs can really help it, and on days when I can’t force a human-passing expression, I know that I’m looking so male that my voicetrained voice would be some creepy skinwalker shit, so then my register lowers, and… you get the idea.

I mean, ffs would certainly help me pass if I somehow magically afforded it, but I’d still be unapproachable, I’d still be essentially struggling to humanpass. That’s what it feels like anyways. That people who see me in public will always know that something went deeply wrong with me no matter what I do, and I will always be seen as less-includable in polite society as well as womanhood because of it. I may never be approachable.