I’m pretty fluid in my opinions about a lot of the nuance regarding transition, like language, validity, what is vs isn’t harmful, etc etc.
But I realized I’m interested in just hearing how more of y’all actually talk about your own transition. Like do you see yourself as having “survived” dysphoria kind of like cancer patients speak about their struggle? Or perhaps you see it as a continual process that never ends? Would you still describe yourself as dysphoric if transition relieved it? Do you still refer to yourself as trans, publicly &/or in your inner monologue? That kind of stuff :)
(Especially if you use language/words outside of their literal definition, either reclaiming or more sarcastically)
Example: I’ve started dabbling in gaslighting myself that i’m a cis girl in my mind when the dysphoria isn’t especially bad lol
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it would be appropriation to call myself trans. I’ve always considered myself something else entirely. I know I’ll always be the third gender thing and I don’t mind it. I see my dysphoria as much a part of me as my inner voice. There’s my train of thought, my connection to my body and my dysphoria. I think of my transition as a kind of pact I have with people I hurt. It’s kind of hard to put into English, since I don’t think there’s a word for it in western thought. It’s my offering. My apology. I like to think I’m being watched over, and this is my reward. (bit of a ramble, but fun.)
thats really interesting nona!! is penance the right word maybe ( ╹ -╹)? it feels like it might be slightly off but has kinda similar vibes
It’s a somali term for a spiritual trade, kind of like a blood tax for the dead.
I may be extrapolating too much, but Is it kind of like:
both you and the people you’ve hurt must exist in time together, and therefore you transitioning is a form of acknowledging how you hurt people prior to transitioning, and therefore your transition acts as a form of personal alignment as well as you taking an action to make the existence of both of you at the same time more bearable for everyone involved? And your reward is them accepting your transition and existence as a third gender as apology/peace agreement?
actually, that’s pretty good.
:)
I find this way of viewing it very interesting, being from the west personally, and i think i can feel what you’re describing even without a word for it. I think I have a similar feeling like that. Thanks for sharing :)
dysphoria is an affliction and i can treat it, but never cure it, by trooning. Much like I can treat my ADHD with planning strategies, therapy, and stimulant meds but it will always loom over me.
i refer to my self as. regular staright man, none of this woke transgender stuff.
if i have a rare moment of feeling confident and manly i think of it as ripping apart a weak and disgusting outer shell and remaking my body into what it ought to be
i kind of skirt between thinking of it as an ongoing attempt at survival and apotheosis part I depending on how strong my god complex is at any given time (,¬﹏¬,)
Ooo apotheosis is a new word for me (secular parents). I lowkey relate cause at times I feel like Lain or living in Ghost in the Shell but as a tranner who can “see” things differently than most people. I like to marvel at the modern world and life and where my existence being trans fits in it all when I’m not too depressed to exist.






