I get what you’re saying.

“I’m scared of ffs actually working because then when I look like a woman I’ll have to stop manmoding and actually commit to being a woman, which is a scary.”

Conforming and being a manmoder is easy and simple externally, even if it might rot you on the inside. You do what society expects of you and nobody complains. Committing to actually being a woman and fully transitioning is scary because there’s so many unknowns. Will I actually pass? Will people actually see me as a woman despite not fully passing? Will I get hate-crimed? How much effort will I have to put in?

Being a woman means you actually have to try. You have to put tons of hours into voice training so you aren’t clocked as soon as you speak. You have to put tons of effort into makeup, hair, your wardrobe, your mannerisms.

But I think you already know deep down that it will make you happier in the long-run. Just do your voice training nona.