but what about my mourning of you? of the parents i thought i had? of the love i thought was unshakeable? you’ve told me i could be a mirderer or a rapist and id still be your child. why is this different? how is this worse? i spent my whole life fearing your death, fearing your warmth pulled away from me, but here i am in that nightmare with you still alive. am i being unfair? am i being selfish as you said? please, mother, father, can this creature, abomination, transsexual, blasphemer, can you allow him to grieve you, the memory of your kindness, the promise to a child born to suffer and to die?