idk why i trooned out at 23 when i hate it so much knowing that positive androgyny is the best i can possibly hope for. its just so ugly. it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. having a mixture of dimorphic traits.
like, most of the time i dont even think or care about my voice much at all because i look like a man, so of course i expect myself to sound like one too. if i looked the way i did, but had a female voice i think id want to kms more. the juxtaposition of dimorphism clashing/not matching makes me sick.
its why i hate my chest so much. breasts on a male ribcage, on a body that reads male, with a face that is 100% male. softer skin thats covered head to toe in gross, prickly stubble. its just horrific. though, most of all its just my face that kills me. i think i could manage to just ignore my body if my face looked how i wish it did. provided i didnt end up with fertility idol hips i guess.
i mean it’s as much magic than e is… so ymmv but i think the fact that we can pick and chose some of the things we get from hrt is kinda magical like woaw this molecule makes you not get boobs (60% chance) which is cool!! tho i only take serms because of my aap