every week i spend at least 10 minutes staring in a mirror at once to try and achieve self realisation

it never works and i end up sitting in my bed in horror and fall asleep and have a nightmare

idk why i do it really my derealisation isnt something i can get over without extreme surgical intervention

but i do and i hate it

maybe its cuz im such a coward and cant bring myself to cut so its the only form of self harm i have