got a new therapist… don’t even really care for therapy. it’s neoliberal capitalist bullshit. step mother forced me to (she doesn’t know im trans, she just knows i bedrot most days im off work).

just recounting my dogshit life and circumstances and how horrid and disgusting i am… im a sadistic, misanthropic, schizotypal tranny… i can’t even get off from my body being touched, my only satisfaction comes from hurting “other” women (iwnbaw).

i broke down after. just thinking about how much i hate remembering what my body looks like, what my voice sounds like… everyday is fucking hell where im reminded every 20 seconds of how i was born wrong and can never be fixed.

every time im touched, or observed, or see myself in the mirror, or listen to my own voice.

can’t even look at cute yuri anymore without thinking to myself how i’ll never look like enough of a woman to enjoy genuine affection from “another” lesbian. i’m just a mentally ill man… im shaped like one, i sound like one. there’s no fucking way im seen as a woman by even the most snoy em tee eff redditor hon imaginable.

being 6’7" is an entirely different kind of hell when working a front desk… every dumb motherfucker to see you will just ask you the same 2 questions. the fucking basketball one makes me want to rip their throat out… i’ve been asked it HUNDREDS of times, and the answer never changes. never will. stop fucking asking.

i was born wrong. and every waking second is a horrible reminder of it.