been girlmoding at work partially cuz woke manager made me but also cuz it was about time i started anyway. i practiced doing my hair up nice, even started wearing makeup. i knew lowkey i didn’t pass because i need ffs but my confidence was growing despite this. other 4tranners kept telling me that 8 years hrt is plenty and that i can “easily” pass if i “just girlmode”

well guess what? it doesn’t fucking matter because i’m a hon. of course i could never actually pass and i told you all this multiple times. at first i got a customer asking if i was a boy or a girl and seemed to not believe me when i said girl and now most recently some guy with his mate were arguing whether i was a man or a woman right in my face. a lot of “that’s a man! that’s obviously a man!” going about from the most insistent of the two. and yeah he was right, i am obviously a man! why would i even bother trooning out and “girlmoding” (honmoding) if this is how i’ll be treated? it never fucking stops. i’ll always just be a freak. no one will ever see me as a genuine woman, ever.

i should have killed myself when i had the chance. or at the very least i should make sure my next attempt actually works… i’ll never be able to afford ffs and even then i guarantee it wouldn’t be enough to make me passable. i was raped by T long ago, there’s no undoing that. i was cursed with this shitty male body and there’s nothing i can do about it. people like me were not meant to transition, otherwise i would have passed pre hrt and had supportive family and been socialised as a woman. i was a fucking fool to think i could change my male fate.

tl;dr i am a confirmed gigahon. fuck everyone here who hugboxed me and didn’t believe me when i said it was over. fuck you fuck you fuck you all of you especially you fucking honlarping passoids. I HATE YOU