i just want to love someone. i want to give someone my everything. im a hopeless romantic but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to handle being loved back. being loved back means i can disappoint them. what if im not enough? what if i dont have the energy to be who they deserve?

because inevitably i wont. i will mess up. i will burn out. the depression wont allow me to simply remain perfect, and if i cant be perfect then whats the point? i’ll just end up hurting them more, like i always do. so i feel like im better off alone, loving from a distance where i can never hurt others by getting scared and pulling away.

and i know that being perfect isnt a standard to hold myself to. that i can be loved despite being the flawed human that i am. but knowing that doesnt make it any easier to accept.