i was desperate to not be seen as a giant roided out rape monster. especially because of my father. im terrified of being him. i get scared that my mom and sisters see his face in me like how i can see it.

my sisters and mom would vent sometimes about men and theyd always add an asterisk if i was around saying like, “not you of course. youre the exception.” but it didnt really help. they didnt mean to, but ive always felt othered. it feels like a non insignificant reason for why i trooned out, which is retarded in hindsight cause it just makes me more hated, not less.

its no wonder i find getting called one of the good ones by tumblr terfs so nice. its been drilled into me for so long to want to be the exception to the rule.