Like I’m just trapped in this male body. Idk. Maybe that’s ok. Maybe it doesn’t matter if I get to live as myself. Maybe I can just distract myself until the end. Maybe I can just pretend and delude myself and stay a numb unfeeling mess until the end. Idk. At this point my sense of care for the matter has significantly reduced. When I was in high school this brought me so much more pain but now it’s like I have no emotional memory and I can’t remember how painful it is so my mind keeps me oblivious until I remind myself how Terrible it all is. I could’ve been a girl. I could’ve been myself. I could’ve lived a normal life but got chose me to be his little transexual freak. It’s gods will. It’s gods will