people like me were never meant to exist. my body destructed itself simply by the act of existing. my mind was sick since the very moment it was first conceived. autism, adhd, anxiety, depression… all of the things he did to me were nothing but a few extra shots fired to a body that was already long dead.

i’d love to tell myself i gained something from all i have gone through, that it was all in service of something, but it is simply not true. being mentally disabled does not give me any advantages at all, i am not any more mature because of my trauma, there is no “trans joy”. all of these things just serve to make my life infinitely harder than the average person. suffering has never made me a better person in any way, it has only ever made me more miserable. i could have been born literally anyone else but no, i’m stuck with this faulty mind and body. forever chained by the limitations it has itself created.

my mother told me several times how much she regrets having children as i was growing up… i can’t blame her honestly.