its just impossible to see. ive been like this for so long. i dont know if i can really stop being depressed. maybe something will come along and make suicide worth putting off, but i think ive been broken for too long to ever really be normal again.

ive said it a lot before, but i remember being genuinely surprised to learn that not everyone wants to kill themselves when i was like 14 or so.

i feel like i was just born without the same drive others get. living for the sake of it doesnt make sense to me. i dont really have any grand dreams or ambitions. i just want to sleep, and stay sleeping forever.