There’s got to be more, but what? I’m burnt out on everything I previously enjoyed, everything from games to talking to people even.
Living this way sucks, I’ve tried part time work, won’t get too into it but it didn’t help. Everything around me is just dead end retail or fast food anyways
School is likely out of the question, I did terribly most of K-12, and that doesn’t come attached with possible debt. Bundle of mental illnesses make that shit just too much for me I feel
So then what? Rot at home because I’m too scared of dying? Seems like it.
It’s not enough. I want nothing to do with this. It’s boring and tedious. Feels like all my best days are behind me as pathetic as that sounds lol.
Well I guess I’ll stick around, like I said. I got not much to do or places to be.
🫂🫂
kinda corny but there’s an Andy Warhol quote I sometimes think of when I’m reminded of these feelings:
“Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-there – I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. People sometimes say that the way things happen in movies is unreal, but actually it’s the way things happen in life that’s unreal. The movies make emotions look so strong and real, whereas when things really do happen to you, it’s like watching television – you don’t feel anything. Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television. The channels switch, but it’s all television.”
it feels like an endless cycle of nostalgia for a past where you already had nostalgia for the past.
I feel that last statement a lot. Something that popped up in my head rather recently was that like. I will say often times and feel that the vibes of everything have been fucked since covid ended. It feels that way to me.
BUT like
I remember when I was younger I felt the same about the year 2012
I look back on the few years after I graduated fondly now but at the time I know I was miserable then lol. Idk I still feel I was happier then even if I wasn’t entirely happy. There were less years of being like this that crushed me.
Idk though. Is what it is.
