I know is Bad, it is, but at this point I have become desensitized at such point where i just got used to it to be seen as the plague that kills all goods in modern society, i got used to it, and many of us did at this point, since 2024 i think i never Lost so much hope in not only myself but in people in general, that things Will change and i Will be capable of changing as a person, in body and soul, but i can’t change, we can’t change and this people Will never do it too, i kinda Even started liking it, embracing it in the way that now i know things about that communities, i don’t like them but i don’t hate them because i think they have the right to hate me anyways, i have the right to hate myself too because why would’nt i do it? I’m a tranny, I’m in the lowest, i Will never be a women, i’ve come to hate myself in ways that the majority would consider disgusting and i just got used to it, i Started to embracing it, i Started to accept the hurtingness of existing as this thing, i Started to call myself things or Say things that probably the me of 4 years would consider psycopathic, but is not a Big deal, is always ironic, nothing is serious, My melancholy is not serious, I’m a joke, life is a joke Even if i sometimes i want to cry or just drowning in silence while i just think how absurd and meaningless things are, but i got used to it, i scroll, sometimes troon spaces, sometimes chud spaces, just to make myself more and more frequently used to that feeling of hopeleness, everytime i see a tranny discord pedophile thread in kiwi farma i accept it, everytime i see an edit of Charlotte photo with nate higgers dancing with soytan and at the right a hanged troonjak in soybooru i accept it, everytime i see the same comments about people that would not kill me irl but just desire to me to not exist i accept it, in silence, sometimes My chest has a void type feeling but sometimes, i just accept it, and Even the pain goes away, i Even laugh sometimes and, i just end looking at the screen in silence, silence, a dense silence until i just try to sleep to just not feel that feeling of emptyness in the chest, but i can get used to it, i always do, i always do, i always do. Sometimes, i question myself how it would feel to be happy.