It just hurts sometimes. It’s not healthy to keep thinking about the past but my present sucks and the future doesn’t look good.

I wasn’t happy when I was younger, but I wasn’t like this.

I miss not feeling the weight of the world on me or having to worry as much. Before the dysphoria super ramped up over the years. I could enjoy more things, I looked forward to more things. I was more glad to be alive.

It’s not like the past was better really either. I was just young. But still, everything just seems so flat and colorless and I keep getting worse, there’s really nothing for me anymore it feels.

I’ve tried medications but none seem to do the trick.

I need to find a way to be in the moment and the present. Be satisfied. It’s just so hard. Time keeps slipping by and I’m too powerless to change much.

I want to be glad to be alive again.