whatever is happening to me i wish it would stop, i hate being like this all the time. like the 3 things i’m passionate about i haven’t even looked at much less put effort in. maybe the despair of being constantly misgendered has just finally caught up to me or something because i can’t even distract myself anymore, or maybe my brain is really just still fucked up from drugs or something. i think i need help or something because if i keep going like this i’m probably going to kms, maybe after exams i’ll ask my mom for a therapist but i haven’t been able to trust a professional in my entire life. in fact probably nobody else knows how fuckign horrible everything has been in the past weekish besides u ppl here. i need something to change, either i wake up and pass tmr or i get heavily medicated.

how do i even fix all of this? if nobody sees me as a woman very soon i think i’ll be dead. i feel very neutral about this because i don’t have the energy to care. most ppl just straight up don’t understand why being consistently he himmed makes me want to die and probably wouldn’t change even if i asked.

idk all i do is sh and try to study now and i want to stop