As I keep saying I’m 27 and have been this way ever since I graduated high school. I’ve worked 3 part time jobs here and there but not for too long.

I just… I can’t function. I have severe anxiety and depression, I only sleep about 3-5 hours a night despite my best efforts, My ADHD is terrible even medicated. I’m horrifically dissociated most of the time. I have no drive or motivation either. This feels pointless. Now more than ever I want nothing to do with this life and world. It does not feel real to me. It hasn’t in so long.

I never thought I could manage full time work even when I was young. It’s so bleak to imagine me doing that, its too much. Though its not like being a neet forever is a good option, especially for me since I live in a red state in the suburbs. I guess there’s worse but that’s not a good fate to be stuck in.

The uncovered dysphoria just makes everything so much harder too.

Looking back I always come to the conclusion I was just less functional than I thought I am. Maybe I really am someone who just can’t do all of this. People like to forget about those people and say that you can just put enough effort and everything will work out, but I just… I can’t do anything.

There’s too many things wrong with me and I keep declining and this just feels like a nightmare more than reality at this point. At some point something went horribly wrong and now I’m here.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m optimistic at times but nothing can change reality.