I will never be able to live a full life. Getting married to a man who loves me and will protect and cherish me? Not gonna happen since I’m a tranny faggot. Kids? I don’t have the organs to get pregnant. Being a sister and a daughter? That time has long passed since I’m already in my twenties and I will always be a male to my family. Being a woman now? Not possible since I don’t pass and am obviously trans. I will never, nor have I ever been real. On top of all of this pain I just have to survive from one day to the next? Without community, or culture, or motivation, or an environment that feels human. Worst of all I have no memory. I get memory gaps. I can’t remember yesterday, and my entire life up to this point just feels like a blur. I have no connection to my past because it doesn’t feel like it happened. I’m thinking about leaving. It just seems like the only way out. Plus I’m a huge burden on everyone around me. I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve peace or happiness. So I just want it to end at least. I’m so numb and disconnected that I just don’t care anymore. I don’t expect myself to actually kill myself yet. But I want to die. It hurts so much

    • InfathelineOP
      3·
      2 months ago

      I will probably figure out how to cope with it but I have to face the reality. This thing will stick to me for my entire life and I just have learn to live with it. It’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll make some cool art out of all the pain. Idk. Grief is not something that goes away. I have to decide if I’d rather live with it or not, and only I can make that decision. I know that. But every time I try I’m just unable to. Idk if I don’t have the strength to make my decision or if I already have. I don’t know anything anymore. I’m tired of pretending like it’s going to be ok. It’s not. But I will live with it. Hopefully.