I can’t transition right now and going out has been significantly more painful recently. I can dissociate through my body, through the (rightful) misgendering, I can ignore my reflection, but seeing men just going about their life always breaks me out of it for a couple seconds. It hurts realizing my life will never be like that. Guys my age going out with their girlfriends, riding their motorcycles, men fixing their cars, doing manual work, smoking while talking to their buddies-- I fucking wish that could be me. It’s so painful. I don’t think I can get through this.