that, or that i had just never existed in the first place. i grew up feeling so lonely. how? how did i feel so alone with 3 siblings? why didnt anyone ever check on me? why do i still, to this day, get forgotten?

my mom tries her best, but she’s essentially a single mother to 4 children. she’s spread so thin as it is. we were going to go out for my birthday. she said we could get lunch, and that she’d help me buy some clothes. it was finally going to be time where i could feel important for once. where wouldnt have to feel like one of 4.

and she forgot. my brithday was 3 months ago. we never went out. i could remind her, and she’d probably still want to do it, but i cant. im tired of it. why cant anyone remember me? why do they only seem to remember i exist when im in front of them?

i suffered in silence for years. all for them. all so i wouldnt be a burden and take time and money away from everyone else. i made myself so small. it was for them. why dont they care? im dying, ive been dying for over a decade and no one cares.

i just want my mom to actually want me. to think about me and miss me. to come home after work and want to spend time with me. but i will never have that. i will never be important enough. only when im dead, maybe i will finally be missed.