it takes so much energy to exist. I try my best to take care of myself, to go outside, to do something other than sit at my computer all day… but it’s all too much. and I can’t do it, I end up back at square 1. I really want to give up and bedrot all day, at least it’s a nice distraction.

I don’t have motivation for the hobbies I once enjoyed. I don’t look forward to anything, I’m not happy doing anything. going outside is awful, bathing myself is awful, everything is so exhausting and I’m long out of spoons. being mentally ill/depressed with a chronic illness is rough. plus the horrors that come with being trans.

does it get better? how do I keep trying?