i don’t think there’s any way i can get out of this without fixing my body. damn

it doesn’t really matter if my expectations are unrealistic, i have dysphoria regarding my physical body

i worry they’re too high very, very often. it’s my default state of mind, believing myself at fault for being unable to accept my place in the untranny valley. to get better, i think i’ll have to throw this framework away.

i don’t know how much is dysmorphia and how much is dysphoria. what should i actually be doing to protect against dysmorphia?

what do you think about this. what if i throw away that possibility of dysmorphia entirely? put faith in transitioning, not trying to convert my brain into being okay with my current, partially-transitioned state. this is obvious, right? is this what everyone else does? i am asking. i don’t know much outside my own experience. i’m thinking my experience might not be very relatable to most; it’s mostly shaped by my OCD?

i could leave dysmorphia as a problem for later? for if people actually see me as a women and i don’t, rather than now, where my perception is aligned with that of others’.

it’s obvious. hm.