How do I cope with losing a part of my daily routine? My body still reacts to hearing the notification sound on my phone, but a second later my brain remembers that it can’t be her. Why couldn’t she wait for me to become better? Why couldn’t she call me to say goodbye?

How long was she thinking about it, while I was thinking about our future together at the same time? Why does she choose shitty men over me? I was working on my issues but she still chose to leave me anyways, now I have nothing to work for but myself. Maybe if I didn’t open up to her, or had other people in my life to vent to, she wouldn’t have felt so much pressure. I get that I was jealous, and anxious, and I struggle with academics and getting a job, but couldn’t she wait for me?

She had to leave right before our plans to see each other again. She made me feel like a real girl. Now I’m a busted up toy that can’t love again. I can’t even blame her, since it was no one’s fault. But having no one to blame makes it so much harder. I have no one to hate, no one to pin this on to make me feel better.

Now I’m stuck in my house alone, wearing the pajamas she bought me, cuddling with her blahaj that she left, looking at her childhood doll she gave to me and her socks that she forgot to take home. I miss what we had