When I first decided to start HRT, I didn’t realize just how much I had been dissociating. For the first time in almost 29 years, I feel alive.

I woke up today and saw my face in the mirror. I was reminded of a portrait I saw of my mom when she was younger. She looked beautiful in that portrait. I never paid attention to my face before, but now I notice I have her hair & some of her facial features, especially her eyes.

Why did I never notice before ? Ever since I was a child, family members always said to me “wow you look like the spitting image of your father”. It never felt true to me but they said it so often that I started to believe it. Would they have said the same if I never got the wrong hormones in the first place ?

And there’s the matter of boob growth. It’s only been two months on HRT so far. This is probably the most sneedy thing I’ll ever type, but every time I accidentally brush against my nipples, it hurts but I don’t dislike it: I’m reminded that at least something is happening. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it feels… right ?, it feels like a sensation that my body should have had all this time. Like it should have always been there but was missing all this time.

But all of this is bittersweet, because these boobs are growing on a male ribcage. And the features I inherited from my mom’s face are hidden behind facial hair and deformed by the effects of testosterone. A reminder that I can regain some of what was taken from me, but not all of it.

  • Maffy
    2·
    2 months ago

    How did your face change so much in just 2 months?? I’m almost 2 moths in and aside from the boobs hurting, nothing happened…

    Do you just look like her or did hrt make it look like that???

    • iwonderwhy21OP
      3·
      2 months ago

      My face didn’t change that much, don’t worry, but my skin did get a bit softer. I think I’ve always looked like her a bit, it just turns out that when you are dissociating, you don’t really pay much attention to what you see in the mirror.

      • Maffy
        1·
        2 months ago

        I also look like my mom quite a bit, but this skin softening has been freaking me out a bit lately. Apparently everyone gets it in month 1 and if I didn’t get it then I need to get my levels checked…

        I’m just hoping that I didn’t notice anything with my skin because I’m quite pale already. Hopefully I wasn’t hondosing this whole time…

        • iwonderwhy21OP
          2·
          2 months ago

          I don’t think it’s like an ‘on/off’ switch that happens in the first month, it’s more gradual than that imo. But do make sure you have your E and T levels properly checked, I’ve only noticed I look slightly different recently, and I was hondosed the first month