i have not been productive at all this semester and it’s all going to fuck me over. i now have to meet an advisor(theres no appointments available) to register because of some bullshit survey i didnt do. a fucking survey i didn’t do might put my entire academic career on hold because i was a depressed troon for the last 3 months and had an even more fucked up brain after being on prozac then lexapro, both of which caused me to feel even more suicidal. i fucking hate this world. the one thing i felt like i had going for me might be completely fucked because i was too lazy and stupid.

i’m so tired. i really do just want to rope atp because none of this feels worthwhile anymore. at least maybe i can try to effortmaxx more if i get a break from school and maybe try to get a job ig. i dont want to spend more time looking at my body though because ik it will just make everything worse, and working something i hate will probably also just make me want to die more.

my life is in shambles. all of my relationships feel like they are being strained, i feel like everyone around me is recognizing that i’m about to crack under all this pressure. i’m barely able to function around people already, and now everyone is stressing me so much.

what do you even do at lowpoints besides just suffer until it passes. i dont care about waiting until it passes, but having more life to just sit through feels like a complete waste. i already wasted most of my life larping as a man, and i would almost rather rope then waste more. idk if that even makes sense