I started my day being called sir over and over. I really do try to pass, I got lucky with my tits, I’m short, I have long hair, I’m white, and a kind of masc face and need laser but that’s it. My voice will never be female so that too I suppose. Point is I’m very privileged, I can sometimes pass when I wear a dress and put on a pound of makeup if people are willing to pitty me and play along with my delusions. This is literally the best it gets and it will still never be enough.

We drove. I saw real women on the beach( I feel gross for thinking that), I will never be so beautiful. I went into a dysphoria spiral and my uncle keeps calling me my deadname and man and brother and I think I’m going to kill myself. It will never be enough.

I kinda wanna detrans. At a sports game I got glared at in a women’s restroom by a red hat, I passed in a few other ones so that’s good ig. At the airport my dad yelled at me for using the women’s room (nobody in there had a problem with me). We went to the game with my cousin, a biological antropologist who went on to talk about her work, specializing in humans, how she can tell the sex of a skeleton (yay). She invited me to go to latin America (not a tranny friendly country) I tried telling her that they take trans ppls passports now if you try to get it removed and she had no idea about any of the problems.

If this is what life is I don’t want to live it. I can’t take 50 more years of this.