whenever im fortunate enough to have any free time to my name i think of all the things i can do and it all seems so lame. so i just spend it all stressed and online for no good reason. ive been stuck in this cycle for years and the only way that i can feel like a human is if i talk to a living person. otherwise no distraction the likes of books nor film nor vidya can ever make me feel whole. i just feel overwhelmingly empty inside even when i do them a little bit for a day. i suppose i just need to continue writing stories.