I had one chance and I blow it.

Because my sister bullied me at 6 and got a fetish then I learn that word and thought my want to dress like a girl was a fetish and knew it was wrong and avoided ever talking abt instead of of being a innocent kid who would just ask and maybe I would have realized or someone else would but no I hid it. Even as teenage well im not gay so I can’t be trans and I never looked into it because of internalized transphobia I had actual small shoulders and I threw it away because I never felt okay talking abt it or being suicidal. I hate myself so much I only had one chance now I’m a freak and faggot and woman hate or other