just came back from a friends’ party, only stayed 1h and only drank a glass and i just cant hang with people sober anymore

i had a hard time before when i first met them, but after some time not seeing them and going out with other friends who drink and smoke a lot more, ive grown to like not being conscious when im with others and now i just cant go back to being in groups sober, everything makes me so much more self conscious

when im drunk and high i become a confident and catty hsts that can pull men but when im not im just awkward and sorry for taking up space and exclude myself from both male and female conversations