and i am in a spiral where i will fast loose everyone around me and get worse and lonely and i have no clue how to break out of it, it never felt this lonely and it never felt this hopeless

i survived so much shit and never felt like this, i just don’t feel anymore not even dissociated or anything, just nothing fully rational looking at everything falling apart

people will always tell me, i am wrong, when i say that everything good only exists to hurt more when everything goes shit, but everyone does their best to prove it

i would maybe even be just happy, if there would be one person, that genuinly loves me, and avoid the clearly communicated triggers, just so i have one thing i can mentally point at and and tell myself “no, it is not true, it’s never all” but what i got is people around me that forgot i exist when i stopped beeing on twitter 24/7, friends and partner that treat me like a toy that is not interesting anymore or completely ignore me, or just shift so much that i constantly feel like i did something wrong

it is impossible to heal like that and i don’t want to get worse again i am at a point where no one is left that knows my true self and i don`t know if i know it something died inside of me all i wanted was a bit safety