There’s just not going to be a moment where I’ll pull myself together (if I even do or are able to) and then that’s just it and I go about normally for the rest of my life, that’s not how it works. I fear losing control, ending up in a worse situation, or just failing if I’m able to break out of this. Not to mention just life in general and everything that comes with transitioning.

Better and more capable people than me have failed, and worse have done fine. There’s no rhythm to things. There’s just too much to be carrying with me. This is all how I probably ended up this way to begin with but even that comes with its own uncertainties and isn’t sustainable.

Too much is just unresolved and will just always stay that way. idk how people can just live out there in the world like this. Even when I’m not feeling sad I kind of just want it all to be over, I can’t really handle this but I have no choice but to put a futile attempt into it.