Idc if I’ll never be cis, I would be happy to just settle as a cute facepassing twinkhon. Idc that I’m curvy, I’m 6’1 with massive shoulders and a huge ribcage, I am not cute or small and I tower over not just every single cis woman but almost every man in every room too. I do not want to be a “dommy mommy” or an “amazon” I want to be perceived as small, frail, and feminine. Idc if I have a penis I just DESPISE commanding a masculine presence. I can’t just put on baggy clothes and be perceived passively as a woman. I command every room. I heightmog almost every man. I am undesirable. Height is completely unfixable and I am undesirable and can’t even sell my body to pay for surgeries because I have no other worth and struggle to do basic shit let alone hold down a job and the thing that causes me the most dysphoria is unfixable because I am a freak. At least let me whore myself out and let people use me and see me in all of my shame but no, nobody wants a tall, wide, fat, big-browboned tranny freak. Even chasers don’t want me. I am worthless. Like at least the smaller pretty ones get to do sex work I get to do NO WORK because I have no passions and no skills and I’m severely adhd and autistic and mentally ill and depressed and an alcoholic and my savings are running out next week and I’m FUCKED and my fridge just broken so now I’m worried about eating and my gf broke up with me last month and I refuse to ask my friends for money when I don’t have a job to pay them back and now I might run out of money for alcohol and have to go to the hospital so I don’t have a seizure and get detransitioned and treated like a man because my documents aren’t changed and when the lease runs out next year I’m gonna be homeless anyways and my car is older than me and making weird sounds and I have horrible driving anxiety and I’m too retarded to work a job even if anywhere was hiring bc I keep getting fucking fired everything is shit and I was on ADHD meds since I was 5 but I can’t get them anymore so I’m totally FUCKED because I couldn’t function with them and now I’m even worse and there’s so much more I just can’t anymore. every second of my day is either distracting myself from imminent doom or jumping in my mind between all the shit that is closing in on me bc I have like 20 really bad stressors. I am so close to fucking losing everything and being homeless and I just do not have the willpower to fix enough things quickly enough and undo my very nature and inadequacy to save myself