I’ve been looking through the old photos from my camera, my old playlists, listening to music I used to listen, watching videos I used to enjoy, looking at my old drawings and… it’s so weird. My personality was completely different, I am still into similar stuff but in completely different way, and my awareness of everything was completely off… I don’t know how to put this in words? There was a long period of complete dissociation, out of character behaviours and some emptiness that marks gap between who I used to be and who I am now. I have a deep sinking feeling coming back to it and I can’t recollect most of the memories and feelings.

It’s not related to transition, it happened over a year before that. I feel like if I died in mid 2023 and was replaced by another only slightly similar person that could live in this body free from the weight of memories of some bad times - and it worked, they are distant, I can barely think of person before that as myself, I almost feel no continuity.