during my years of hardcore dissociative repping, sometimes in complete silence i stared at myself in a mirror so hard that it felt like i was transgressing the boundaries of the reality i was in. i felt the truth that the only exit out of this game is death. it was a horrifying feeling that i wanted to end instantly but it made me uncontrollably smile too. when i asked my mom she said that she used to go through a similar thing but that it ended after puberty.