had orchie so no risk of gonadal t ,but still scared of the reduced feminization due to this huge downgrade, still better for my mental health than panic attacks every 3 days cos my mind couldnt stop thinking that entities, random people and the hatman slip nandrolone into my vial when im sleeping. (i tried anti psychotics , worked for 5 months then it made me severely depressed and started planning my suicide)
even with gel i get occasional obsessive thoughts that it can tempered with, same with patches
never met any troon with similar ocd issues , almost ran away from gf to become homeless in my worst episode,meds dont work, and im scared my relationship will be ruined bcs of it , im scared of isolating myself from everything and everyone to cope with it if it get worse in the future
hopefully therapy helps a bit
Please talk to somebody about this if you can nona, this sounds like really heavy paranoia
only my gf , ex therapist ( too broke right now to continue therapy) and my psy knows about it , it took me a while to bring myself to tell everything to my gf as i was 100% convinced it will be the end of our relationship, she decided to stay and help me trough it even tho it was hurting her emotionally , ive ghosted my only friend cos she was going trough stressful moment and felt like a heavy burden on everyone , idk , i had bad psychosis episodes in the past and my first seizure at 13 , only coping trough benzos at the moment but evantually will go back on therapy and maybe cognitive therapy would save me , damn i yapped too much , sorry for your poor eyes i will end it here
